A failure to glance and your head will be facing backward not long after you hit the gas.2009’s surprise zombie comedy hit “ Zombieland” settled into a joyful niche in the aughts comedy scene. A quick glance should tell you whether you can enter. Rule #31: Check the Back Seat As stated before, zombies can be sneaky.Ĭheck before you enter the car, not after. Also, you may not be a zombie, so you certainly don’t want to look and smell like one, right? Zombies can smell blood, so you don’t want it on your clothes. Rule #30: Pack Your Stain Stick For those tough, ground in bloodstains. If you try to go it alone, you could end up with a zombie alarm clock. Rule #29: The Buddy System The more, the merrier. You don’t want to see, in your last moment on earth, your untied shoestrings dangling while zombies bite your legs. Rule #28: Double-knot Your Shoes You don’t want to trip over unsecured laces while running from flesh hungry zombies, now do you? You never know what could come out of nowhere. Rule #27: Incoming! Always be on your toes. Rule #26: A Little Sunscreen Never Hurt Anybody Do you really wanna have to worry about sunburn, too?īesides, the smell of sunburned flesh will summon zombies faster than flowers attract bees. What are you planning? Will you place the zombie under a bright light and play good cop/bad cop? Are you looking for the location of the hidden zombie plans for world domination? Will you ask the zombie to take you to its leader? Shoot! Then, shoot again! Rule #25: Shoot First You don’t have to ask zombies anything anyways. They’re useful for grabbing things, like guns and black iron skillets. Rule #24: Use Your Thumbs Ours were made opposable for a reason. You need it available in case you get surprised. Your copy of How to Survive Zombies Without Looking Like One in another. Put your phone in one to keep it dry when you cross a creek. They help keep moisture out, so it’s always good to have them handy. Rule #23: Ziploc Those little bags are for more than sandwiches. Failing to know how to escape may prevent escape. Remember, the nearest exit may be behind your seat. Before doing anything, make sure you find the nearest exit. Never, never, hole up in an area you don’t know. You never know when you might have to run. Rule #22: When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out Always have an escape route. ![]() Without seeing what dangers surround you, you could easily fall prey to a zombie… plus… it’s way more ‘icky’ in there now that everyone’s dead… Rule #21: Avoid Strip Clubs While a brainless environment may seem like the perfect hiding place, strip clubs distract you. If not, this could be the shortest (and last) sprint you ever run. Hopefully, you performed your cardio workouts. Rule #20: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint Unless it’s time to sprint… then sprint. (Looking for a less-destructive stress-release to pass the time? Try a thrilling zombie escape room adventure!) Do not break weapons, water bottles, or your travel companion’s noggin. Break a stick, a clod of dirt, or the framed picture of your Aunt Linda that you should not have in your pack anyway (see Rule #7). Just make sure it’s not anything important. If the zombie apocalypse has you all stressed out, just break something. Rule #19: Break It Up It’s always good to blow off a little steam. They handle blood, gore, and puke better than other leading brands. Rule #12: Bounty Paper Towels When it comes to the undead, you can never be too clean.Īlways carry these for messes, big or small. Your feet can save you, but only if properly trained. Your feet are always something you should take full advantage of. Rule #11: Use Your Feet Running, jumping, kicking away zombies. They’re either dead (a good zombie) or ‘alive’ (a bad zombie). Rule #10: Don’t Swing Low Despite how some females feel about men, all brains are located in the head. The farther away they are when they splatter, the better. Rule #9: With Your Bare Hands Always have some kind of weapon at the ready.ĭo you really wanna touch these undead freaks with your bare skin? You would touch a zombie with a 10-foot pole, but not with your hands. If you can’t find Chuck, find someone with a few notches on their belt (and gun, and water bottle, and backpack). Rule #8: Get a Kickass Partner Always good to have an experienced zombie killer on your side.Ĭhuck Norris works best.
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